Self-centered conduct and own suffering
We've already seen an example of a destructive action, namely, having unprotected sex with a prostitute. Such behavior is clearly mixed with confusion about reality, naivety, and usually longing desire.
As for an example of a constructive one mixed with confusion, consider the case of the mother of a 24 year-old son who always tries to do kind things for him, such as preparing nice meals. Nurturing her son is an act of love and a constructive deed. It will ripen into her experiencing happiness and well-being. However, she also cooks for him because it makes her feel useful and needed. This is where the confusion comes in. The 24 year-old son might not want to be treated like a child who, when he doesn't come home for meals, gets accosted with "Why didn't you come home? I made such a nice meal for you. You're so inconsiderate." Her preparing the meal was mixed with the confusion of grasping at "me, me, me. I want to feel useful, I want to feel needed." Self-centered concern underlay her constructive action and kind motivation. Any happiness she might feel as a result of her kind actions will be precarious and unstable. It will never last and will never be satisfying. In addition, her self-centered motivation will inevitably bring her frustration, unhappiness, and suffering.
From Wiki: Sexual misconduct and homosexuality
To lay people Buddha advised that they should at least avoid sexual misconduct which meant following generally accepted norms of sexual morality and behavior.
Fornication, or sex outside of marriage is seen as a violation of the Brahmacharya vow from the Five Precepts.
Some buddhist texts advise buddhists to avoid contact with third-gendered individuals and consider sames-sex relations as a sexual misconduct.
Some Buddhist leaders, like the 14th Dalai Lama and Chan master Hsuan Hua, have explicitly spoken against the act of homosexuality, which is considered harmful to the individual.
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Another viewpoint about homosexuality:
1. The words 'personal choice' is inappropriate. It's not a choice, it is how they feel, an instinct. Just like ppl who are in major depression do not *choose* to be in that state
2. As I said, ppl have conducted objective scientific research into homosexuality, whether it is more related to genetic factors, or environmental factors (eg bad parenting, psychological trauma as you alluded to), but no conclusive outcome has been reached. I accept that.
3. Everyone lives their life differently. You can follow a certain path or mould which you yourself feel is right. But you have no authority to demand that others change their ways and follow you, especially if they do not wish to and are satisfied with the way they are. That creates strife and conflict.
What absolutely irks me is groups of people taking the moral high ground, and that everyone else who does not follow their way is *wrong*.
And if they are happy the way they are, but made unhappy when they are discriminated against or forced to change or hide, how can you objectively say that choosing to be what they are is wrong?
Other that it being a sin because someone said so long ago.
The point is, these are individual people. If they could choose, they probably rather live a 'normal' life. but they cant, and many have accepted that and still live happily. Who gives anyone the right come and tell them that they are wrong, flawed individuals?
I don't choose whether I am attracted to males or famales. It's my natural instinct.
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